The Reasons Why
by Melika Elena
Summary: Madge and Peeta have a moment, commiserating over the Seam kids who break their hearts and all of the games they play. Hints of Peeta/Katniss and Gale/Madge. During CF


**The Reasons Why**

_Before the Quarter Quell_

Peeta walks Madge home one summer night after an evening crowded around in Haymitch's dank, bottle-filled living room discussing strategies, past Games, and, in moments of unexpected levity, Effie Trinket's wardrobe. It is only Madge and Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch so the mood is lighter and not so tense—Gale is at home, recovering, although Peeta suspects that if his mother would let him, Gale would hobble his way to the Victors Village and barge in, if only to keep Peeta away from Katniss.

Peeta shakes his head as if to clear away those thoughts: it's not as if it would matter if Gale tried, anyway. It would be a wasted effort, considering Katniss doesn't even love him, anyway. Gale has nothing to worry about. But tonight has been too nice of a night to waste his thoughts on Gale, so Peeta rightly brings himself back to the present and focuses on the girl beside him. Madge Undersee. It seems like every day she surprises him somehow. Being the Mayor's daughter certainly has its advantages—Madge has access to newspapers, videos, and other resources that no one else could even fathom. She scours them every day, looking for useful things to bring to Haymitch's house in the evening. It's so risky, smuggling that kind of intel between the houses, but Madge is confident, careful. She is also incredibly bright and determined—and Peeta sees a quiet resiliency in her that reminds him of Katniss. Katniss is a hardened, weary survivor, both before the Games and after, but Madge is the type of who is patiently waiting to prove and push herself to the limits to do what needed to be done.

He has always liked Madge well enough. Doesn't really see her much at school—she, like Katniss, keeps to herself. She isn't the girl who flaunts her status or wears clothes that are markedly above everyone else's. She is polite to everyone and though people call her "Princess" behind her back, it is with very little venom—other than her position, no one can find any faults in her. She always gives him an easy smile when she comes in to the bakery, so different from the careful, hesitant ones she saves for school. Peeta likes how even though they aren't friends, when they speak to each other it is evident on both ends that they genuinely like and respect the other person.

She is rather pretty, Peeta muses to himself as she quietly walked beside him. Starlight seems to suit her—there is an aura around her that makes her seem outer worldly. His fingers twitch a little, wishing he had a paint brush, which is funny considering he has never thought about Madge in such detail before. How could he, when Katniss Everdeen is engrained in every vein in his body?

"Penny for your thoughts?" Madge's voice breaks through the silence. "You seem… contemplative."

"Just wondering about you," Peeta almost surprises himself with his honesty. There are many days when he feels like the Games will never end for him—literally and figuratively. There are too many lies and webs he has trapped himself in to keep track of. Being honest is something foreign to him, something he thought he lost during the Games.

"Me?" Madge is a bit amused but mostly surprised. "What is there to wonder about?"

Peeta frowns a bit, squinting at her as though she is a puzzle he needs to solve. They are in the middle of the Square now, and they stop, both facing each other. Madge lets him scrutinize her. She stands patiently, her face a cool mask, giving nothing away. Peeta thinks she has more in common with Gale and Katniss than one might originally think.

"There's something about you…" Peeta doesn't know where these thoughts are coming from. Didn't even know he _had _thoughts like this. What is he even doing? "Something I can't put my finger on. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe you keep that hidden on purpose. And maybe that's what it is. That you hide things well, and what you keep hidden is spectacular."

Her mask is long gone. Madge is downright shocked at the words that are spilling out of Peeta Mellark right now. Part of Madge is wondering if Peeta has finally lost his mind and the other half is flattered that someone actually took the time to notice this about her. She doesn't deny any of it. What would be the use? It's true, after all; Madge _does_ have a lot of secrets.

Madge nods her head slowly. "That is a lot to wonder about," she says gravely.

"It is," agrees Peeta. "Life in District 12 is so simple for a lot of people—it was simple for people like me in town and even for people like Katniss in the Seam—at least, before the Games, anyway. But I feel like it was never that simple for you."

Madge shakes her head, and finds that she can only match his fragile honesty. "I've been playing in the Games all my life, Peeta," she says, and her voice, though matter of fact, has a note of sorrow in it, "it's just not the kind that anyone wants to know about."

_**I** want to know_, Peeta thinks to himself, suddenly fascinated with this girl he has known_ of_ his whole life, but now understands that no one really _knows _at all.

Madge does not want pity. She does not want that look to be in Peeta Mellark's eyes anymore. Katniss puts that there often enough. Madge considers herself Katniss's friend before she considers herself Peeta's, but even she does not approve of this. Madge believes in clean breaks and firm decisions and while she understands Katniss is confused, she has the feeling that Katniss doesn't know what she's getting herself into—she is entangling herself in Gale Hawthorne when part of her is still wrapped up in Peeta.

"If there's something you want to know, Peeta," Madge says, so softly that Peeta has to lean in to hear her. "You can always ask me."

Peeta raises an eyebrow. "And you'll answer it? Truthfully?"

Madge grins a little impishly. "I never said _how_ I'd answer it… but you're smart. You can read in between the lines."

Peeta throws his head back and laughs. It feels good. "Okay, then." He thinks for a minute, but what can he say in the middle of town that would be even remotely safe for him to ask? There is one thing that has been long bothering him... "Why did you help Gale?"

Evidently this is not the question that Madge expected. He isn't prepared for Madge to completely freeze up—her body tenses, and she reminds Peeta of a cornered animal. Then, the moment passes, and Madge seems to do this odd little dance of physically deflating for a moment—shoulder slumping, breath hissing from her body, eyes downcast—before she suddenly draws herself up, shoulders back, spine straight, head held high—and she walks away from a flabbergasted Peeta in the square, leisurely, calling back over her shoulder, "For the same reason why you're making that locket for Katniss."

Peeta blinks. That was not the answer he was expecting. But what had he been expecting? Loyalty, perhaps, to Katniss? A sense of guilt for having the money and resources to help Gale? An innate sense of generosity and kindness that knew no bounds (or types of weather)?

He runs after her. She is not that far along, but with his artificial limb and the fact that he has been literally struck dumb by this revelation, it's a bit of a struggle. She eventually takes pity on him and slows down. They are in front of her gate now and she unlatches it without a sound. They tread carefully on the grass and eventually settle on the front steps of her porch.

"_Seriously_?" He finally asks her, and the fact that he probably sounds like an insensitive jerk only makes his conscience twinge a little.

Madge laughs, but it's really more like a sob. "Yes," she says. "Always."

And Peeta sobers up quickly because he understands. She knows his story—all of Panem knows his—but he really wants to know hers, and he's in too deep now, personal boundaries are disintegrating around them. "How? Why?"

Madge shrugs wearily, but her blue eyes glow in lost memories. "I'm not like you. I can't pinpoint it to an exact moment or time; I don't think I work like that. I think your love for Katniss crashed into you like—like an ocean wave would, but mine for Gale accumulated slowly, over time. I noticed things about him ever since he and Katniss would show up on my back porch every week...and when he would show up, alone, when you two were in the Games. We talked, sometimes, and I think we got a better understanding for each other. It was so easy, then, to truly observe him and get to know him. I liked his hands and his pride and how he takes care of his family. I liked the fight in him and his unwavering loyalty. I liked his eyes and his shoulders and how he is so much better than the circumstances this world has given him. I liked his strengths and his flaws, even if I can't claim to know all of either category. And, over time, like grew into love and I've been lost ever since." Her words flow into a sad song and Peeta tries to picture her writing lyrics for Katniss to sing. It would be perfect.

For a while that is the end of talking and the two are content to sit on the porch and peer up into the night sky, searching for stars. District 12, despite its rural environment, is too well lit to see much, but Madge can just make out Venus and a few of the other larger constellations. It is never enough, but it is something.

"It could happen," Peeta says finally. "You and Gale."

Madge gives a rather unladylike snort—Peeta is involuntarily reminded of Katniss. "Despite any pseduo-friendship we may have established during the Games, that's been long gone since Katniss came back. I'm convinced that the dirt of the forest is above me in Gale Hawthorne's world," she tells him. "Gale has written me off as the Princess of District 12—a rich, spoiled snob—since day one."

"So why not change his mind?" Peeta wants to know. "Why not tell him about the morphling? Why not fight for him?"

"For the same reason you don't fight for Katniss," Madge shoots back. "You're willing to create her happy ending for her and Gale—you go to the Games and protect her again but this time you succeed, or in your world, you end up in a coffin and Katniss is alive and happy, living unburdened by the Capitol and married to Gale in the woods." Madge shakes her head. "Peeta. Whether your live or die, the Capitol will always be threatened by Katniss. Help Katniss by helping yourself—stay alive. Staying alive will help you better protect her in the long run." Madge gives a hopeless little chuckle. "And I'm not saying this because I want Gale to myself. The best that Gale and I can ever do for ourselves is debts and deals. And at the end of the day, I hope I'll be okay with that." Madge leans back and speaks to the stars. "You don't have to pity me, you know. I'll be all right. I mean, I can see myself being with someone else. I don't know who, but I already know what he will be like."

"Do you?" Peeta is amused and a bit fascinated by this turn in conversation. The thought of Katniss Everdeen has been long tattooed into his heart and he is almost unable to imagine a future without her in it, even though he logically knows that one day he'll lose her to Gale anyway. Despite logic, Peeta doesn't like to do envision his future without Katniss Everdeen in it, and lately, despite the circumstances, he can't. It's what keeps him sane most nights at three in the morning. "By all means, please tell me."

"He will be kind," Madge says and her voice is firm and sure. "He will be kind and understanding. Patient."

Peeta snorts. "Definitely not Gale."

Madge glares and gives him a little poke in the arm with her index finger, but moves on. "He will be good for me and I will be good for him. I hope we love each other, or at least respect each other. We will move through life together as good companions. There will be no lies or manipulations—"

"Or secrets," Peeta's whisper bursts through the night, and Peeta finds himself suddenly and inexplicably lost in a daze, a comfortable, tempting daydream. He has always thought about his ideal marriage being to Katniss Everdeen but he has never before considered what exactly he wanted that marriage to look like. Or what it might be like to be married to someone else. "You will always be honest with each other."

"Exactly," Madge says, and her voice has lowered, too, like the words between them are secrets within themselves. "And—and we will be good parents, too."

There is a pang in Peeta's heart as he thinks of children with grey eyes and dark hair, but in his mind their features are already growing lighter. "The best," Peeta agrees. "We will never hit our children."

Madge puts her hand on his arm and gives him a light, comforting squeeze. "And we will never ignore our children."

"We will always stand up for them." Peeta's eyes are glassy but his gaze is steady.

"We will never get too lost in our own pain to forget about them."

"We will always take care of them."

"We will never lie to them."

"We will always make sure that they know they are loved." It is on that last word that awareness prickles back into their consciousness, and Peeta takes in their situation. He and Madge are angled towards each other, noses almost touching. They are so close to each other right now, his ocean eyes looking into her pearly blue's, and Peeta is tempted, he is so unbelievably tempted, to just lean in and see—

"It would be so easy, wouldn't it?" Madge leans back a bit and is now whispering desperately, her eyelashes flecked with tears. "For us to just give in to each other and live this wonderful life and forget all about girls with bows and boys with strawberries who break our hearts and leave us behind without a second thought."

"But we've never wanted the easy path in life, have we, Madge?" Peeta smiles sadly because every word she says is true. "It would be so easy to love each other, so much more convenient. And we would be content, maybe even happy with each other. But none of it would be real."

"You're a good man, Peeta Mellark," and Madge is furious suddenly, so furious. This overwhelming hatred of her best friend bubbles up inside of her. All of the unfairness and the fact that she has two boys wrapped around her finger while she, Madge, has nothing and no one. "And I _hate _that Katniss can see that but she can't truly appreciate it, she doesn't—she doesn't understand!"

Peeta gives her a pained look, but he smiles anyway. "The person who really needs his neck wrung is Gale Hawthorne," he tells her. "That poor bastard—the girl of his dreams is right in front of him and he'll never know it." Here he quirks an eyebrow though, and Madge stifles a loud laugh. "Or will he?"

Madge shrugs, bashful and shy. "I don't know," she says. "I would love to think that it would happen, but—I'm a coward, Peeta. The worst wouldn't be if he just said no—I feel like if he knew he would use that against me and tear me down with that knowledge."

Peeta grimaces. "Gale is a lot of things, Madge, but heartless isn't one of them. You'd be good for him, you know? I can see that connection now. You two are a lot more alike than you'd think, but different enough to balance the other out."

Madge's lips twist. "I don't think I'm the person you need to convince," she tells him. "As far as Gale is concerned, he and I are barely a part of the same species."

Peeta rolls his eyes. "So dramatic," he says.

"I try," Madge quips back, even though that statement is a downright lie. She prefers being invisible.

The two sit in silence for a little while longer until they hear a clock chime midnight. Madge stands up, dusts her skirt off. Peeta stands, too, and for a moment the two face each other, wondering how the night ended up like this.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Peeta asks cheerfully, trying to break the odd tension.

"Definitely," Madge gives him a sweet smile and it's as though nothing ever happened. Peeta turns to walk away and Madge puts the lock into her door.

But then Peeta stops and looks back. "Hey, Madge?"

Madge pauses and looks over her shoulder at him. "Yes, Peeta?"

"I love Katniss," he tells her, and his voice is strong and his gaze is clear, and Madge turns fully towards him, "but tonight you—you've made me wish that I could just love you instead." And he should feel guilty and this should feel wrong and it will never be real, but Peeta doesn't think there's anything wrong with living in a fantasy, if just for a little while. He thinks that he and Madge deserve this, at least for one night.

And Madge does not even try and hide the tears that start to slide down her face, raindrops on a clear windowpane. "And I love Gale," she responds, and her voice wobbles but her eyes are sincere, "but tonight I wish that I could just love you, too." _Every once and a while one can wish for impossible things_, she thinks as she watches him walk away and slip into the night. But that doesn't make the tears stop flowing for the remainder of the night.

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Peeta doesn't like to think about that night, at least not often. The memory is the epitome of bittersweet and it is too late in his life for _"what if's?" _and _"might-have-been's"._ He has regrets in his life, mostly centered around the War and the Games, but none of them are about Katniss or his family. They are the reason he gets up in the morning and Peeta can hardly believe that his reality finally matches the dreams and fantasies he's had built up in his head for years. And yet…

Sometimes he dreams about _her_. Not romantically, not longingly, but just her, in the starlight of Old District 12's square, in the flickering shadows of Haymitch's house, and—a scene he's never seen personally—her going up in smoke, holding her mother's hand tightly while the flames licked up her arms…

He and Katniss are better about communication now; they tell and share with each other things about the War, about their time apart, about their childhoods, about the Games… but this he holds to himself. He instinctively knows it would hurt her if she found this out, his and Madge's moment of despair. Katniss still has her own insecurities, still thinks he is so above her, which is funny because he thinks the same about her. If he told her, she would always wonder if Peeta made the right choice in loving her over Madge. If perhaps the easy choice and the right choice _can _be the same. But this he never tells her, so Katniss never has to wonder.

But when he sees Gale tracing her name on a District 12 memorial statue, Peeta doesn't know, and will always wonder, if keeping Madge's true feelings from Gale is cruel or kind.

0 0 0

_Another Annoyingly Long Author's Note: _ For whatever reason, sometimes, tragedy is more satisfying to write than happy endings (maybe I understand what Shakespeare was going through…) Regardless, I am so incredibly inspired to write and I absolutely adore the feeling!

I'm actually really proud of this. I'm a little surprised where this story went, though. I only had a vague outline and was definitely NOT expecting lines like "I wish I could have just loved you instead" until they wrote themselves.

Even though I **adore **Gadge, I've always wondered about a Peeta/Madge element. Not exactly a relationship, but like a friendship, a dynamic. Gale and Katniss have it, and since Peeta and Madge are their exact opposites, I feel like that is a totally plausible friendship.

Anyway, even if you might think I'm crazy, I hope you enjoyed this anyway. Let me know either way!


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